1. Totally Ignore the first five people who say "Good Morning" to you.
2. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye".
3. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
4. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "mmmmmm, that feels soooo good!"
5. Leave your fly's open for one hour. If anyone points it out say, "Sorry I really prefer it this way, it lets the smell out".
6. In the middle of a meeting, suddenly shout out YAHTZEE".
7. Walk sideways to the photocopier, crab style.
8. Say to your manager, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
9. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, cause I don't want to repeat it".
10. Press the "no cup option" on the coffee machine, kneel down and drink directly from the nozzle.
11. At the end of a meeting, suggest that for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the National Anthem (extra respect if you actually launch into it yourself).
12.Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch off & on 10 times.
13. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak with as "Barbara"
14. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, Mon". Keep this up for 1 hour.
15.In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up dammit, all of you just shut up".
16. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I will never go hungry again".
17.In a colleague's diary, write in 10:00 am; "see how I look in tights".
18.Carry your keyboard over to your colleague, and ask, "do you want to trade?"
19.Come to work in army camoflauge and when asked why, say,"I can't talk about it".
20. Hang a 2 foot long piece of toilet paper from the back of your trousers, and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
21. Disappear into the toilets and emerge with your trousers over your head, then commence a 2 minute sprint around the office whilst holding your hands out to your side and making aeroplane noises. Return back to the toilets, get dressed again and return quietly to your seat as if nothing had happened.
I cut down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspenders and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear Papa.